Langley, VA - Newly unearthed documents obtained through a FOIA requests show that the CIA has developed a unique torture method that may be familiar to anyone who has young children. The Center For Fair Treatment Of Toys, created after the first Toy Story movie was released, had asked for these documents years ago, but have only recently been granted access to them. The documents reveal that the CIA has constructed walkways covered in LEGO bricks that we all know and love, to be used in the interrogation of captives.

Prisoners are forced to walk along the brick covered floor over and over until they are willing to tell the CIA what it wishes to know. Initial reports show that the vast majority  of prisoners break after just a few feet, proving this to be one of the most effective torture devices known to man. Anyone who has inadvertently stepped on LEGO bricks that hadn’t been picked up by their children knows all too well the amount of pain and suffering that they induce. This may be the very first time that ordinary people can relate to torture devices used by intelligence agencies.

Most people would be concerned about the pain and psychological suffering that the prisoners face. But in a bizarre twist, the Center For Fair Treatment Of Toys (CFFTOT) is asking the CIA to cease and desist such torture tactics not because of the pain endured by those being tortured, but because of the unfair treatment of the LEGO bricks being used. The Headmaster of CFFTOT reported “Toys have feelings too! We always look at the suffering of people, but as shown in the Toy Story movie, toys are also scared of physical and psychological torture and often live in fear of their owners. They could easily go back to waterboarding where no toys are actually harmed.”

CFFTOT has filed suit in federal court to end this heinous assault on some of the most beloved toys in the world, and it is expected to make its way to the Supreme Court sometime next year. Twin Torches will keep you updated on this unfolding story.