U.S. - New Jersey Senator Cory Booker has ended his Presidential campaign after failing to make traction with his message of political unity. In a press conference Senator Booker explained “I believe I had strong message of unity and political healing that should have resonated well with the voters of this country. But Peladophobia, or fear of bald people, is a growing phobia in this country and I believe the reason my campaign failed.”

When questioned about this unusual excuse, Booker continued “People are able to accept orange hairpieces, crazy, uncombed gray hair, false teeth, jittery head movements, Native Americans, and even Alfred E. Neuman, but they can’t seem to get past a bald guy. This is a growing concern in our country, and we have never elected a bald President. It is time to break through the shiny ceiling.”

Since his withdrawal from the Presidential Campaign, Senator Booker has been seen with bottles of Rogaine, and also entering a Hair Club for Men while wearing a disguise.