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LEGO Bricks Now Being Used As Torture Devices By CIA

Langley, VA - Newly unearthed documents obtained through a FOIA requests show that the CIA has developed a unique torture method that may be familiar to anyone who has young children. The Center For Fair Treatment Of Toys, created after the first Toy Story movie was released, had asked for these documents years ago, but have only recently been granted access to them

New Study Proves Homeless Produce 10X More Towards Climate Change, Activists Perplexed

Baltimore, MD - A newly released ten year study from Johns Hopkins University conclusively proves that the homeless population produces ten times more climate change than the same number of people who are not homeless. The study highlights some of the ways that the homeless affect climate change including urinating and defecating in outside areas, excessive garbage thrown in streets, and taking baths in public waterways.

Men Mysteriously Disappear On February 29th Every Year

Leap year holds a special surprise for all of us, an extra day to just sit around and enjoy life. For the most part February 29th, also known as Leap Day, is a day like any other, except in one distinct way. A large number of men have been known to go missing on this day, and the reasons are still unknown.

New Trend Of Men Waiting Until Leap Day To Ask Women On Dates To Avoid Anniversaries

There has been a preponderance of men this year waiting to ask a girl on a date until February 29th, a leap year event that occurs every four years. The trend began four years ago with a random post on Twitter that went viral. The anonymous user had been waiting almost four years to ask a girl he liked out on a date until Leap Day so that he would not have to celebrate nor purchase presents every year.

Chuck Schumer Wants To Hermetically Seal The U.S. With A Giant Glass Dome To Prevent Coronavirus

United States - Charles Ellis Schumer, known to most Americans as Chuck Schumer, wants to hermetically seal the entire United States in a giant glass dome to prevent additional cases of Coronavirus from entering the country. The glass dome will also prevent emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases from escaping into the atmosphere.

Trump Has Surgery To Place Hands On Each Finger So He Can Tweet More

White House - Inside sources revealed today that President Trump has undergone a very controversial new surgery to improve his ability to tweet quickly. The surgery, lovingly coined the “Five Finger Death Punch,” attaches five separate hands onto the ends of each finger.

Study Proves That Most Injuries Are Sustained Prior To A Court Hearing

Cambridge, MA - A massive new study of over 700,000 individuals over a ten year period has proven without a doubt something that most people have assumed, although the reason for the occurrence remains a mystery. Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, MA have studied over 700,000 cases of people who were awaiting trial, and an inordinate amount seem to get injured in the final weeks just before the trial.

Joe Biden Knows Exactly How To Fix America But Refused To Tell Obama

New Hampshire - Joe Biden, the Democratic front runner was speaking before a huge crowd inside of a Best Western hotel room, and was asked why he didn't tell Obama all of his secrets to fix the country while he was Vice President. Biden replied "Look man, you never give out all of your secrets. That's an unwritten rule that John Wayne always talked about. Never let them know everything you know."

Joe Biden Receives The Coveted Endorsement Of The John Wayne Fan Club Of America

New Hampshire - Joe Biden has received universal ridicule from around the country for calling a 21 year old female student a "lyin’ dog-faced pony soldier" while campaigning in New Hampshire. Many wondered where the reference had originated, and were left wondering well after it was uttered. But with an endorsement today the origin of the saying may have been discovered.

Pelosi Admits She Ripped Up The Constitution During SOTU, Not Trump's Speech

Washington, DC - Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi shocked many when she apparently ripped up a copy of President Trump’s speech after the State Of The Union address last night. Many of her constituents praised the gesture, while Trump supporters were appalled at the display.

Democratic Cities Named Third World Countries By Trump

Washington DC - President Trump today has designated 27 major cities across the United States as third world countries because of the deplorable conditions that they are in. The cities all have very high rates of crime and homelessness, as well as crumbling infrastructures and mounting debt. Included in the list are major cities such as San Francisco, Detroit, New York, Chicago and Los Angeles. The ruling allows Trump to use the power of the Federal Government to take over control of the cities in order to "clean them up."

Social Democrats Rally For A Society Like Star Trek Until They Learn About The Prime Directive

Washington, DC - Social Democrats held a rally yesterday in Washington that drew thousands of protestors demanding a better, fairer society, one that was similar to the television series Star Trek. One protestor said that we should invest all of our resources into making a replicator so that all of the world's problems could be solved with this one simple machine.

Trump Calls Marines To Senate Chamber

Washington, DC - President Trump today ordered the Marines to the Senate chambers during the impeachment trial. When asked about the reason behind the stunning move President Trump said "This sham of an impeachment trial has shown that there are a lot of traitorous people in the Senate, and I intend to put them in jail and have them tried."

Trump Signs Executive Order Limiting Wealth Of Congress

Washington, DC - President Trump today signed an executive order today limiting the amount of money that members of Congress can earn while in office. Trump declared that Congress should not be a place to get rich, it should be a place for people to serve their country.

"I became President to serve my country, not to get rich. I already was rich. Very rich! In fact I have donated my salary every year. Now I call on Congress to do the right thing and stop getting rich off of their office."

Elizabeth Warren Claims She Is Not In Top 1% Even Though She Is

Washington, DC - Senator Elizabeth Warren in a recent interview on MSNBC claimed that she was not part of the 1% that she so frequently rails against. "I grew up poor on an Indian reservation, and we really had nothing but the skins on our back. I was able to pull myself out of that and marry into money. I didn't earn it nor inherit it like many of the 1% do. I used a time-honored tradition of marrying into money. That is a completely different scenario.”

After Watching House Impeachment Hearings, The CDC Issues A New Disease Warning

Atlanta, GA - The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta have issued a new disease warning that has been seen spreading across the country called Congenital Liarism. The scientists became aware of the disease years ago, but assumed that such a disease could not spread. But after watching the House Impeachment Hearings they have changed their minds about the disease and its spread.

Enlighten The PLANET

Elizabeth Warren Took Offense When They Called Pete Buttigieg An Indianian

Scottish Man Arrested Trying To Find His Son Athol

Pelosi Admits Articles Of Impeachment Took So Long Because No One Could Write Cursive

LEGO Bricks Now Being Used As Torture Devices By CIA

LEGO Bricks Now Being Used As Torture Devices By CIA

New Study Proves Homeless Produce 10X More Towards Climate Change, Activists Perplexed

New Study Proves Homeless Produce 10X More Towards Climate Change, Activists Perplexed

Men Mysteriously Disappear On February 29th Every Year

Men Mysteriously Disappear On February 29th Every Year

New Trend Of Men Waiting Until Leap Day To Ask Women On Dates To Avoid Anniversaries

New Trend Of Men Waiting Until Leap Day To Ask Women On Dates To Avoid Anniversaries

Chuck Schumer Wants To Hermetically Seal The U.S. With A Giant Glass Dome To Prevent Coronavirus

Chuck Schumer Wants To Hermetically Seal The U.S. With A Giant Glass Dome To Prevent Coronavirus

Trump Has Surgery To Place Hands On Each Finger So He Can Tweet More

Trump Has Surgery To Place Hands On Each Finger So He Can Tweet More

Study Proves That Most Injuries Are Sustained Prior To A Court Hearing

Study Proves That Most Injuries Are Sustained Prior To A Court Hearing

Joe Biden Knows Exactly How To Fix America But Refused To Tell Obama

Joe Biden Knows Exactly How To Fix America But Refused To Tell Obama

Joe Biden Receives The Coveted Endorsement Of The John Wayne Fan Club Of America

Joe Biden Receives The Coveted Endorsement Of The John Wayne Fan Club Of America

Pelosi Admits She Ripped Up The Constitution During SOTU, Not Trump's Speech

Pelosi Admits She Ripped Up The Constitution During SOTU, Not Trump's Speech

Democratic Cities Named Third World Countries By Trump

Democratic Cities Named Third World Countries By Trump

Social Democrats Rally For A Society Like Star Trek Until They Learn About The Prime Directive

Social Democrats Rally For A Society Like Star Trek Until They Learn About The Prime Directive

Trump Calls Marines To Senate Chamber

Trump Calls Marines To Senate Chamber

Trump Signs Executive Order Limiting Wealth Of Congress

Trump Signs Executive Order Limiting Wealth Of Congress

Elizabeth Warren Claims She Is Not In Top 1% Even Though She Is

Elizabeth Warren Claims She Is Not In Top 1% Even Though She Is

After Watching House Impeachment Hearings, The CDC Issues A New Disease Warning

After Watching House Impeachment Hearings, The CDC Issues A New Disease Warning